Archive for October, 2009

Posted by elena mitchell

October 5, 2009

I have long been intending to start a blog about lonely and abandoned old women, and to give you all the benefit of my expertise on how to deal with it.

I have been a lonely and abandoned old woman for fifteen years now, so I do have some form on this one. And lots of really fascinating ways of how to cope.

Rule One. Never give your ungrateful little barstewards a hard time. It doesn’t work, and they only hate you more than they did already.

Rule Two Don’t bother Emailing them, they never answer, and it is only another way in which to get no mail.

Rule Three. Get out of bed in the morning, preferably before midday. Otherwise you won’t be able to sleep the next night.

Rule Four. Get a dog or a cat, or even a mouse. It will need feeding at some point, otherwise you will have to deal with a dead body. This will only make you feel even more abandoned than you did already. And so will it.

Rule Five. Go shopping for pet food. Not all that fascinating, but it gets you out of the house.

Rule Six. Buy bird food while you are out shopping. Birds are fun. If you sit quietly, birds are quite uplifting.

Rule Seven. Buy human food while you are out shopping. If you don’t want it, then the dog will, probably while you are still thinking about eating it.

Rule Eight. Take up knitting. It’s surprising how much knitting you can do when you are bored out of your mind.

Rule Nine. Never worry about talking to yourself. You always get the right answers.

Rule Ten. Take up blogging. But think of your own subject, and don’t pinch mine.

I suspect that I could well be talking to myself here. But what’s new. A Demain.

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